SUKOB: A Pinoy Pamahiin

SUKOB in english means “conflict”.  For Filipino Weddings (or for Filipinos in general), we have a lot of traditions, superstitions and beliefs — SUKOB sa kasal and sa patay are among them.

SUKOB SA KASAL:  it is believe that misfortunes will befall the couple if they decided to get married during the same year a sibling also got married.  If you have watched the film SUKOB starring Kris Aquino and Claudine Baretto, this is exactly what the story is all about.

SUKOB SA PATAY:  wedding should not fall during the year of mourning over a deceased immediate family, else again, misfortunes will come on the couple’s way.

Personally, i do not believe on these superstitions, but i believe that out of respect (over a sibling, or over a deceased relative), it is appropriate to move the date of the wedding.

The question is, do we have to move our wedding?  I respect my grandmother’s passing away, but I believe she will be more than happy that Ian and I will be getting married finally (ironically, the 40th day of mourning – another Filipino superstition that after 40 days from death, the soul of the deceased will ascend to heaven – is also the day of our wedding).

We waited for long, a lot has already been done for the wedding day, and almost everything is set.. so now i’m confused…

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68 thoughts on “SUKOB: A Pinoy Pamahiin

  1. Did your wedding pursue? I am also experiencing fear that our wedding in December won’t, because my Lolo’s 92 years old already and he’s being too sick this past few days. Just curious.

    • yes, we went on with our wedding.. My lola knows we were getting married and she was really happy when we told her (she was pushing ian and i even before to get married).. We know it’s what she would have wanted..

      • haha, not really a tradition, i guess, but we respect the beliefs of our elders (and our elders’ opinions are important to us filipinos lalo na with this kind of important celebration) :)

  2. Is it still called sukob when the sibling was already married before in civil and now their going to get married in the church? Me and may bf are planning on getting married but they said we can’t since my bf’s sibling’s wedding in the church is already set this year.

    • hi sweety.. uhm, that’s a new one i haven’t heard.. i am not really sure if sukob pa rin since they already got married nga… pero sukob aside, maybe it’s better (although it sucks) na paunahin mo na lng un sibling mo (kasi hindi masaya kung magkaron nang comparison, at ma-outshine nyo ang isat isa)… i often heard kasi na minsan may comparison (whose wedding was better etc etc).. saka think of it this way na lng din, you can take down notes during your sibling’s wedding para makapag-prepare din kayo for your own)… :)

  3. hi im confused and a bit scared bout sukob sa patay..my lola past away just early this morning and our wedding will be 3weeks from now nah..just want to know if there are true to life misfortune cases for the couples about this pamahiin..thanks

    • hi lyndie, i’m not an expert or anything about sukob but i haven’t heard any such cases of misfortunes.. its up to you if maniniwala ka na lang i guess.. i say, pray to God na lng for guidance.. ;)

    • Hi Lyndie and Johann, I am currently doing a story about sukob sa kasal for Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho of GMA 7, would like to ask lang po sana if you know someone na tinuloy po ang kasal or may experience na sukob as pamahiin? Hope to hear from you. Thank you.

      Mike

  4. hi, pwede bang mag-ask? Sukob pa rin bang matatawag kung magdo-double wedding kayo ng kapatid mo?As in yung sabay-sabay kayong ikakasal at the same time talaga… (double wedding nga eh :) ) please answer me as soon as possible…. thankz

  5. my fiance died last april and his sister also got wed last april… and we’re planning to do a civil wedding this november.. should we or should we not continue our plan?… kakatakot lang.. super mamalasin daw kame.. but we’re doing also a church wedding on april 28 2013

  6. ok… tHankz… Sa bAgaY naKapagTanong naRin namAn aKo sa maRami aBout iT… sabi ng kRamihan sa kaNila hNdi raw sUkob iTo…. kaYa sanA nGa talaGa…. We aRe pLanning tO gEt maRriEd na Kasi thIs Feb 2013….
    HopE nA sAna hIndi taLaga maGing MaLas aNg gaGawin kOng PagpapakaSal…

  7. Hi pwede po bang magtanong … Matatawag bang sukob , ksi kamamatay Lang at kalilibing Lang nang Lola k kahapon … At ikakasal kmi s church ng asawa k this year also … Pero kasal n kmi s civil … Sukob paren b n matatawag un … Everything is set n ksi …

    • similar un kay sis sweety a… again, im not really sure.. kung ako ang tatanungin hindi na siguro? kasi kasal na nmn kayo sa civil… gusto nyo lng maulit un wedding sa church….

  8. i have my own concerns too: supposedly my fiance and I will have our wedding this year but ikinasal ang ate nya so weve decided na next year nalng dahil sa “sukob” nga.early next year ang kasal namin but im worried kasi magpapakasal na naman ang isang ate nya next year din..hindi ko na alam kung ano iisipin ko dahil sa sukob na yan. di naniniwala family nang fiance ko but my family believes.im really botheres about this..totoo ba talaga ang sukob??????:(

    • gosh .. parehas tau ng situation … my bf’s sister is getting married on june while me and my bf will get marry on september this year … so what did u do??? natuloy po ba kasal nyo?? my bf is an american so he and his family dont believe on it … im so worried too

  9. Hi, I’m getting married next year in September. We have told friends and close families about our plan. We booked the venue, photographer etc. But around 2 months after my fiance’s brother told his parents that they are also getting married on the same year as us but on June, so earlier. Does that mean that the misfortune will fall on us even though we decided first? please help.

      • Thats what I thought to.. kasi diba ang sumokob ang mamalasin. So sila ba ang sumokob considering that we had dibs first? Or Kami since they are getting married before us?

      • girl, parehas tau ng situation, pati months parehas din … so what are ur plans?? tuloy parin ba ung weeding nyo?? im starting to get worried kc eh ….

  10. hi!!!! kakakasal q lang dis year last oct 29 den ang sister q ay ngpaplano ring mgpakasal dis year coming december may posibilidad bang masukob ang isa sa amin? totoo ba tlga ang sukob pra maipapostponed and kasal ng sis q dis year?

    • i think that’s the meaning of sukob pag sabay within the same year.. it’s up to you nmn kung maniniwala kayo or hinde.. take the advise of your parents or maybe grandparents because im sure mas alam nila un about sa sukob and it maybe matter a lot to them.. :)

  11. MY LOLO DIED SEPT 2011, WE WERE MARRIED OCT 2012. BUT THE SISTER OF MY LOLO PASSED AWAY JULY 2012. THEN MY LOLA PASSED AWAY DEC 31 2012. IF WE THE LIVING BASE OUR LIVES ON SUCH THINGS, HOW CAN YOU TRULY LIVE? JUST FALL IN LOVE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

  12. hi! i would like to ask if sukob is true? my fiance’s brother had their civil marriage last jan. 3 2013 but i and my finace (a seaman) already decided to set our civil wedding on june 2013 since it will take him 9 months again before we see together and get married. i need ur advice. shall we pursue??? thanks!

    • hi elize.. i think it will depend on your paniniwala.. I haven’t met anyone who experienced sukob and minalas.. I got married last last year and sukob sa patay when my lola died but so far wala naman kamalasan kaming naranasan (on the contrary, we feel blessed and happy – i would like to think na our lola helped pa nga because that’s who she was when she was still alive, always there for us). I guess we believe in God most than superstitions.. It’s up to you if your cautious or not re these beliefs.. Seek also the advise of your parents/grandparents because baka sa kanila it’s important na wag sumukob and then seriously talk it over with your fiance..

  13. ask q lng po f sukob s kasal prin kht same civil wedding lng?kc my elder sister got married last february 14 and my eldest sister plan to get marry this coming summer.

  14. I think it is okay to follow the said belief if you and your partner can wait for a little more longer. Just like the old saying ‘wala namang mawawala kung susunod ka’. But if ever importante na makasal na sila agad for a good purpose, I think okay lang din namang hindi sundin ang pamahiing ito. After all, the couple will be the ones who’ll be working out their marriage after they got married.

  15. My fiancé and I had been planning for our wedding for the last 10 months. Everything has been going smoothly according to plan, everyone’s relaxed and just waiting for the date. Just yesterday I spoke to my sister who’s living in Korea and she broke the news that she is getting married this year and her fiancé wanted it in 4 weeks’ time, even before my wedding month! I was very happy for them until my sister reminded me of SUKOB. I have forgotten about this superstition.
    I have lived in UK for the last 10 years. I have observed and understood their way of life. I take garbage out at night and sweep the floor or clean the house when I can. I have passed under the stairs and even broke a mirror accidentally. And that did not alter or affect any of my daily routine or lifestyle. With the busy lifestyle that we have, it’s very seldom that you’d remember to follow or observe all of these superstitions. Superstition is part of every generation in every place of the world. As science was not very familiar long time ago, superstition has been created because they were looking for answers on circumstances and situations affecting their lives.
    I have read one story of how Sukob started. Farmers can only have 2 harvests in a year and that the first one is offered to the patron saint and the next is left as gift for the bride to be. If 2 siblings are to get married on the same year, then the 2nd one is not lucky enough to receive anything at all. And this spiralled until today’s mindset. Sukob when there’s a family death is quite a common sense really. Everyone is in mourning and there’s no way for you and your family to fully enjoy the celebration because of that.
    Anyway, tragedies and unlucky situations appear because of wrong decisions. You spend all your month’s wage on worthless stuff and forget to pay your bills, this will haunt you for a long time. You don’t value your job, you’ll lose it and so forth…
    I guess the best thing to do is to pray that you will be blessed instead of living in superstition.

  16. just like my situation. My elder brother kinasal na sya this year in march,, My fiancee and I were planning to get marriage this year also . I am afraid about that belief if it is true. but for me the marriage it is the will of the LOrd, so the Lord will provide anything according to his will if we are keep his commandments and to do his will. As of now, I urging my self to the wedding and the family we will build in the future as the trials comes our way it is the one thing to strengthen the relationship to each other. family member or relatives.

    feli.

  17. me & my bf decided to get married this October 2013 but his lolo died a week ago, his family & mine don’t believe in superstitions like sukob sa patay, but i did, so i decided to moved my wedding on January 2014, but i felt sad & unfair to my partner, i’m confused. we’ve been together for almost 10yrs as bf & gf, so i’m really confused :(

      • hai po.. ask ko lang po bakit naman kayo naniniwala sa sukob,?? may mga kakilala po ba kayo na sukob din at may nangyaring masama sa kanila?? for me that is suspicious belif lang kasi dahil na din sa mga napapanood natin sa tv at sabi sabi sa mga tao,, My brother got marriage this year actually on March and my gf and I having our wedding this year also actually this month. sa akin na lang ngayon ay itutuloy namin ang kasal kasi both of us ay hindi naniniwala sa ganyan,, but my father ay naniniwala kahit na yung brother ko,,, actually mag de decide pa lang kami ng wedding sabi ng kapatid ko kung ok lang daw sa akin na i move yung kasal namin,, pero sabi ko thius year yung goal namin na makasal at pinaliwanag ko sa kanya about jan,, Actually Ayesha depende kasi na yan sa tao kung maniniwala sya sa ganyang pamahiin.. but isipin mo sa time ba ni Jesus Christ may ganyang pamahiin? wala naman diba ? I read a book actually the religoius books it says “Fear God” and “trust in God no one else ”
        so sa amin itutuloy namin yung kasal this year kung may mga hindi man ka aya yang pangyayari ang dumating sa buhay namin I think that is a part of our marriage, mga pagsubok at mga problema. yan namin yung purpose ng Diyos bakit nya tayo pinadala dito sa Mundo ay para subukan ang ating faith.. so tanong ko po sa inyo saan kaba naniniwala sa belief ng Diyos or sa mga belief or suspicous belief ng tao???

      • hi feli, thanks to your comment, if you’ll read my next entry re this, we pushed with our wedding too even if my grandmother passed away a month before our wedding. like you, we believe in God that He would make everything alright and it’s His will that my lola joined Him in heaven. i guess some people, even if they don’t believe in “SUKOB”, felt the need to respect their elders’ wishes also — a Filipino trait that’s also hard to ignore di ba? :)

  18. please help..me and my live n partner are plalnning to get married on next yer..but the eldestbrother of my husbnd also planning to hav thier wedding on the same year…theyre asking us to cancell it,,i feel so hurt about it..im thinking about my two kids because theyre not yet register ,,,and now i dont know what to do..pls,,giv me some advice,,

    • hi novets.. that’s a difficult situation to be in.. maybe it’s a matter of kung sino ang nauna mag-plan? but it’s really up to you din naman if naniniwala kayo sa sukob.. goodluck!

      • hai po.. ask ko lang po bakit naman kayo naniniwala sa sukob,?? may mga kakilala po ba kayo na sukob din at may nangyaring masama sa kanila?? for me that is suspicious belif lang kasi dahil na din sa mga napapanood natin sa tv at sabi sabi sa mga tao,, My brother got marriage this year actually on March and my gf and I having our wedding this year also actually this month. sa akin na lang ngayon ay itutuloy namin ang kasal kasi both of us ay hindi naniniwala sa ganyan,, but my father ay naniniwala kahit na yung brother ko,,, actually mag de decide pa lang kami ng wedding sabi ng kapatid ko kung ok lang daw sa akin na i move yung kasal namin,, pero sabi ko thius year yung goal namin na makasal at pinaliwanag ko sa kanya about jan,, Actually novetzz depende kasi na yan sa tao kung maniniwala sya sa ganyang pamahiin.. but isipin mo sa time ba ni Jesus Christ may ganyang pamahiin? wala naman diba ? I read a book actually the religoius books it says “Fear God” and “trust in God no one else ”
        so sa amin itutuloy namin yung kasal this year kung may mga hindi man ka aya yang pangyayari ang dumating sa buhay namin I think that is a part of our marriage, mga pagsubok at mga problema. yan namin yung purpose ng Diyos bakit nya tayo pinadala dito sa Mundo ay para subukan ang ating faith.. so tanong ko po sa inyo saan kaba naniniwala sa belief ng Diyos or sa mga belief or suspicous belief ng tao???

  19. hello! my live-in partner for almost 4 years we want to getting married this year po. Sana nga po itong November, BUT his tito (bayaw ng mother niya) died this September. and becoz of sukob sa patay ayaw na ng husband ko na magpakasal kami this year and he wanted to move the date by January 2014. pero yung mother and tita ng husband ko they don’t believe in sukob ng patay and also hindi naman daw nila talaga kamag-anak yung namatay, tatay lang daw kasi yun ng pamangkin nila at ang kamag-anak nila eh yung Ate nila (na patay na), asawa nung namatay (bayaw nila) this september. ask ko lang po kung yung bayaw ng mommy and tita ng husband ko eh IMMIDIATE FAMILY po ba nila yun? kasi gusto ko po talaga this year nalang magpakasal eh kung hindi man november, december nalang po. thanks! :)

  20. Hi, my youngest brother got married (civil) a few years ago. Sabi nila kapag naunahan daw ako ng younger sibling na mag-asawa ay mahihirapan na ako mag-asawa dahil ganun daw ang pamahiin. Then this november 2013, they are going to have their church wedding. Gusto na din namin magpakasal ng fiance ko (civil muna) this november 2013. Sukob pa bang matatawag iyon? Eh sa january 2014 ikakasal naman (for the first time) sa church ang elder brother namin. Kung susundin namin ang pamahiin ng sukob, where does that leave us? 2015 pa ako pwede magpakasal, ganun? My fiance and I want to be together na legally because we dont believe in living-in at we are old enough to get married. What now? Thanks.

  21. i am worrying now about my brothers wedding this coming December!they planned already the wedding 6 months ago when i and my fiancee rush to decide we go married because of some important reasons..now we married in civil..so is this sukod really happen..so sad if my brother wed will be cancel..everything prepared na for this December Wedding :(

    • sukob is only a superstition so it doesn’t mean that something wrong will happen to your brother.. it will depend if you beieve in this superstition.. lift everything to God na lang, i’m sure everything will be alright!

  22. sukob is just 2 celebration /event happen the same year..why fearing of having bad luck if all of ur siblings want to get married in the same year? are you afraid that wala n tutulong sayo financially,usually this is what really happened,magastos kasi ika nga.. if ur really love each other,ull do anything to make this special event come true,declaring ur love and ask for blessings,syempre dapat prepare kayo ..if ur fearing of that word sukob it means ur not sure that u want to settle down,not ready yet/having doubts of getting married? problems will come anyway ..it up to the couple how they handle every situations to maintain strong bond relationship between partners and their future offsprings without giving up in each other whatever trials may come..kya nga dalawa kayo,work as a team,be ur best friend lifetime loving partner..:)

  23. Hello po . May concern din po ako about jan sa sukob thing na yan . my boyfriend and i are planning to get married may or june this year, nauna na kaming nagsabi sa parents ko at sa parents nia . we’re about to process our marriage license n nga. then kanina lang umaga, i found out na buntis pala yung younger sister ko, eh teacher yun so kailangan nia maikasal agad bago pa lumaki yung tummy nia . sabi ay paunahin na daw namin then next year na lang kami kasi sukob daw sa taon. what should we do? personally, nde nman ako naniniwala kasi nde pa ako nkakakilala ng couples n gnito ang nangyari, i strongly believe na God’s will ang lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ng tao same goes with choices na din cguro ng tao yun. Kaso nga lang, paanu namin ieexplain sa elders na nde nman kami parehong naniniwala sa sukob..

    • Same tayo naniniwala ung side ng bf q sa sukob samntala kami Hindi naman sobrang kakainis wala naman sinabi sa bible na may sukob ang mahalaga magpakasal.. Ang mga matatanda kasi dati ayaw ng magkaparehas na year kasi double gastos lalo na kung lalaki ung sa kanila

  24. hi. yohanian tanong kulng po.namatay ang ina ng bf q last years date of november 3.2013plano naming mgpkasl tis month june 2014.sukob b ito?kaylangan ksi namin mkasal dhil n nasa poland aq ngayon.at para s visa q..gustong gusto talaga naming mgpakal.ano ang gagawin q para d ma sukod..natatakot kc aq.rply po.

  25. hi curious lng about “sukob”kse katatapos lng ng kasal ng pinsan q this week tas ako rin planong magpakasal maybe next month pag matapos ko ng e proses papers ko sukob po ba yun???thanks.

  26. Hello! Question, yung cousin ng fiance ko ikakasal this September and we are planning to get married din sana this September. Sukob ba yun? Also, my tita’s husband died yesterday though he’s not a filipino and living in Guam. Is it consider ba na sukob pa din? Or sukob is really for immediate family lang talaga? Please advise. Thanks and God bless us all!

  27. Hello, Just want to ask po… Me and my Live-in Partner will be getting married this Decemeber po sana. and this week po kasi namatay ang Pinsan ko. My mothers pamangkin. is it Sukob po ba? prepared na kasi nmin ang kasal nmin on decemeber ehh. :( :(

  28. hi po, how’s your marriage now?..me and my gf got into a situation were her bro planed to get married next year, and that’s the same year I want to ask her for a wedding… I am collecting proofs now that there are couple who made their wedding even if they fall into a “sukob scenario” for me to convince her especially the elders that if we have faith above sukob does not exists..thank you po!

  29. Hi ask KO lang sukob parin ba kung civil kami ng bf KO muna ikakasal then ung ate nya nagbabalak same year pero simbahan sila.. Nalungkot ako sobra ung riaksyon ng mother ni bf KO na mag isip isip Daw muna kami may baby n kami samantala ung ate nya wala pa.. Tingin nyo po..

  30. hi my fiance father died today,our wedding is 3 weeks from now,ask ko lang qung sukob ba un? everything is settled na, im confuse qung dapat ba ituloy o i moved ung wedding namen?pls help

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